coping mehanisms

in these trying times, the peace i find is temporary.

i made a conscious decision to not get inebriated as a means to deal with the pain of being cheated on. i could've easily been dependent on alcohol to get me through my days, or go back to my lab to cook up a new batch of magical medicine. but i want to take on the challenge of dealing with this struggle in a healthy way.

it's really difficult to do very basic things like sleep or eat without being haunted by negative thoughts. it helps to keep a positive visualization of how i'm better off after the break up because i don't have to deal with such abominable creature such as she is. but really in an alternate universe where she isn't a whore, i would've wanted to raise that family with her. she took away a lot of things and ruined everything else that remained. i will admit, i'm in such a mess right now that i have to work extra hard to not kill myself.


while i'm quite grateful to those that try to be on my side, unfortunately it's not what i need. i don't need my ego to be coddled. i know i'm better off without her, she didn't deserve me, she didn't see how lucky she was with me from the start, yada yada yada all that jazz. neither do i need pity. yes i am a poor thing, no i am not alright. and most definitely i don't need any form of conjecture as to what she feels, what must've happened, and everything else we can't do anything about anymore.

it happened, that's the end of it.

what puts me in a constant state of unease is the fact that she's still alive and that i don't know what will happen. i've prepared for most of the possible outcomes, but until there's any certainty of anything, i'll find it difficult to achieve peace.

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