brushing it off

i've been very irresponsible with how i lived my life recently.

when i was still in a relationship, i had sacrificed a lot of what kept me grounded and sane such as a healthy sleeping pattern, financial security, and professional consistency. no, i'm not blaming my former partner for all of these things going down the shitter. i've in fact made a conscious decision to take a hit on those aspects of my life so i could focus my efforts on her, because at the time, i thought she was worth it.

now that she's gone, in as much as i would like to regain those things again, the grieving process isn't conducive to setting myself straight.

but perhaps i'm just being too hard on myself, as i always am.

i would have hoped that immediately after eradicating her from my existence, i would instantly resume to a sense of normalcy similar to my peak single days. but that's the farthest thing from reality. i'd go as far as to say that i'm in a much worse situation now compared to when i was still in that miserable relationship.

but just like a rotting tooth, it's better to go through the excruciating pain of a root canal instead of having the cavity filled to protect your already damaged nerves from being exposed to painful stimuli. at the same time, it's a much better alternative to an extraction because once that tooth is gone, it's gone for good and you're stuck with dentures; on the other hand, a root canal procedure will save the functionality of tooth, saving you from the trouble of having to brush two different sets of teeth, and having your eating experience ruined forever.

yes, i've been brushing up on my dentistry. for some reason.

so while my expenses, my health, and my career are temporarily suffering, at the very least my oral health is doing well.