my pain needs a voice

a loss is a loss, no matter the circumstance, we all must grieve.

every single day is a struggle. my heart is constantly heavy, my appetite is absent, my brain is short of broken. i've been taking it one hour at a time because my misery has taken over me that even the next minute doesn't have a certainty of peace.

i'm a horrible example of how to deal with a break up - the only way i could fall asleep is if i exhaust my mind so much that i can stop overthinking, which results into getting only 4 hours of sleep at best (when doctors recommend 7-9 hours), i've lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks (when doctors recommend losing, at most, only 2 pounds per week), and i've spent my entire fortnight salary on useless things even before my next pay check arrives (when financial advisers recommend saving at least 10% of your salary)

no matter how much i write about what i'm going through, i don't think words can ever do justice to what i'm experiencing. you could understand portions of it, perhaps even an overly simplified narrative, but it's highly nuanced that even i keep remembering previously irrelevant details that, when viewed through the lens of having an unfaithful partner, reveals how much i've been truly played like a damn fiddle. it's perhaps my fault for letting it slide without any intervention. but cheating is a choice. being tempted is temporary.

and while i may feel like my life is crumbling down, this despair isn't permanent.

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