better moving forward

what she did and who she is disgusts me.

with that i've brought myself to the moral high ground which will invariably strengthen my inner resolve to not turn into a partner i wouldn't be proud of. admittedly, yes i've been tempted into cheating and using other people for personal gain during the couple of relationships i've had. but they are merely that - temporary temptations. those that don't have long term implications that spell a grossly disgusting case of infidelity. those that were mitigated with the right amount of wrist slapping from my partner, and my solid commitment of undying loyalty.

and it's normal to find someone else more interesting than your current partner, of course the novelty dies down, of course there will be rough patches. that's where one's values will come in. unfortunately for me, her values were more concerned with the short term material gains in exchange for the long term damage her betrayal will do to the wholeness of her child's growth. unfortunately for me, her values allowed her to remorselessly use me for my time, money, energy, and what she believes to be my sperm. unfortunately for her, she can only have that from a version of me that didn't knew any better.

coming out of this relationship, no matter how tragic it may have ended, i remain to be a partner i would personally like to have. i may have to tweak certain things to maintain a harmonious long term relationship with whoever fate throws my way, if it so wills. but definitely i'll be the best possible person that myself could have, even if it means a life lacking of intimacy, or any close companionship.

any time after a break up is always a great period of positive transformation for me. i'm excited for what i will be.

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