one step forward, half step back

i have never been cheated on, at least not that i know of, until now.

but i've heard stories, i've commiserated with those aggrieved, and i've also heard the side of the guilty. as an observer, all i could provide really was insight. perhaps i never learned from them because i've never heard of a much worse infidelity story than my own.

i should've seen the signs: from how we started, from how she claimed to have grown out of a previously machiavellian approach to romance, her urgent and desperate need to provide for both herself, her family, and the impending baby - the man she cheated on me with, he was convenient, he had the power, the resources, the opportunity to make her feel desired, to which i had little to give relative to him.

this is bad, i'm rationalizing again.

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