posthumous

i love life... for the most part.

but it's been increasingly more difficult to get through the day without any form of inebriation. i can't trick my conscious mind anymore to not stress over things. it used to be i just pop open a game or put on my earphones and the world melts away. when i return from that brief moment of respite, i can face my daily troubles with a renewed sense of enthusiasm.

there isn't any of that anymore.

every press of a button on a game, every note on a song, i inch closer and closer to the mouth of my personal demon. a swig of alcohol tranquilizes me into submission. because while i have done every form of preparation possible, no matter how hard i try, the rate of which i pull myself out of this hole is slower than the speed of which i sink deeper into this ditch i'm in.

believe me, i'm trying hard. but just like a quicksand, the more i resist, the faster i fall.

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