lonliner than lonesome george

i need things to be spelled out for me.

for all my analytical capability and quick wit, it's horribly marred by a prohibitive propensity to play things safe. so i really have to exhaust everything, and i exhaust people with that. there have been people who have given up on me for not wanting to placate to that particular character flaw. i guess it's one of the reasons why i've always preempted a lonely future for me.

if ever my girlfriend and i indeed break up, then i guess i'm back to my lonesome journey.


i've done everything i could to not feel so lonely. i returned to my activities when i was still single such as copious amount of games, music, and wrestling. i realized it would have been easier if i didn't have a girlfriend to think about and care for.

i'm overcome with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. perhaps because even if i'm in a relationship with my current girlfriend, i still feel a gaping sense of emptiness. i wish i could talk to her about everything's that on my mind and to have someone feel like they understand me. i wish i could let my guard down, be broken down and weak, and for it to be just fine.

what she perhaps need is someone who will undyingly shower her with attention and affection to help her deal with difficulties in life. that much she deserves. that much, i don't think i can completely be. i may live a privileged life, but i am in no ways as put together as others. i'm horribly disfigured by design. and any partner will have to muster the most amount of love they possibly could to stay with me.

i don't blame my current girlfriend if she doesn't have it in her. she too has her demons to fight, and if someone else has to be that firm pillar of strength for her, then that person has to never fail - or at the very least can easily get back up to continue supporting her. she needs that much, and so do i.

because while two broken pieces can make a whole, two broken pieces of the same shape is a pile of trash.

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