and that's why it's called settling down

it feels like such a chore to update my girlfriend of what i ought to do. not because i don't like it but because it doesn't feel rewarding - and i tend to veer away from things that aren't rewarding.

don't get me wrong, i love making my life an interesting story. but when there isn't any response from the audience, i feel like it's such a waste of time. i used to be regularly involved in social media despite not getting a lot of responses, but the handful of responses i'm getting are those that kept me going. i constantly updated my social network with shit about my life because i felt like it was a public service to make them laugh about whatever's going on with me.

which brings us to my girlfriend. i'm bored of her. reconnecting with my old friends reminded me of how full of life i could be. and while she is generously affectionate when she and i are together, there isn't a lot of fun to be had.

i guess what i appreciated about my ex was that it was a lot of fun. while the romance was glaringly lacking, i guess what got us through the several years of a relationship was the fact that it was as fun as friends could get.

maybe fun isn't enough to get through the whole stretch of a relationship. maybe affection can't either.

maybe agreeableness is the x factor.

if i were to break up with my girlfriend now, i guess it's because affection isn't cutting it anymore - and that i just want to be in a relationship i can agree with.

being the asshole that i am, there is a severely slim chance i ever find that.

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