eat me henger

effort doesn't ensure an enduring relationship i used to have a girlfriend that went above and beyond what's expected from a partner. i'd like to think that i was able to bring with me the lessons i've learned from that chapter of my life and that both the people around me and myself are better off because of it. but it still had to end. and i'm sure there's a sense of injustice in there somewhere. and i'm definitely the villain here for unjustly abandoning someone who has poured their heart out, let alone allowing myself to stay in a relationship where i clearly wasn't ready for. the universe perhaps has its way of doing right by the both of us where we'll get what we deserve. maybe the current relationship i'm in is my atonement for my past failings. which isn't as bad as it sounds. i can confidently say that i have grown to become a partner worth having (for the most part), and i share a wonderful relationship with my partner rig...

You're not supposed to fall in love with a best friend. While it may be grand to have your romantic partner your best friend, think for a second - would you have sex with any of your best friends? I argue that best friends and lovers should be two different things. Yes, there may be overlaps, they're both sources of comfort, deep and enduring relationships, but at their core they are for different people. With a lover, you need butterflies in your stomach, a fire inside you that you want to share with that person so you are both ravaged by an intense passion. With a best friend, however, there is that safe space where you can be completely who you are without any reservations for hurting someone's feelings that would have been vulnerable had there been rules of absolute loyalty. You should keep both, and make sure they're not the same person, nor in the same social circle. There is great value in compartmentalizing your life.

my girlfriend had asked me to be more transparent with her. which indicates that i'm a shady guy. quite funny really. it's by choice that i don't open up to her as much because i feel that i bore the hell out of her when i open up about things that matter to me. i don't necessarily look down on her level of intellect, in fact i put in high regard, however i simply don't feel my shit is worth her time. ironic really cause i have for the longest time been the guy that tries to adapt to other people's interests. in most cases, i always come into any interaction with open interest to whatever the other person has to say. i guess what i find lacking about my girlfriend is her lack of insight when i open up about my passions. i appreciate that there is a warm recognition of the value it brings to her, but it feels pretty patronizing to be on the receiving end of that. while i find those interactions with her generally lacking, my estimation of her doesn't dimi...

I just got off a screaming phone conversation with my girlfriend. Ex -- maybe, it's not the first time we'll break up, so it's not farfetched. God my throat hurts. That's how bad i screamed over the phone. It just gets horribly enraging when she makes almost anything i say something bad implied about her. be it innocuous or not. she always has something negative to take away from things. I'm likewise calling myself out on my own shit. I'm perhaps one of the worst people anyone can have a civil conversation with. There is a lot of things so wrong about me that i firmly believe i should be nowhere near a long term romantic relationship. She just so happens to be quite forgiving. I'm not. I have a limited set of forgiveness to give. So you can just imagine how hard it is to live with a failure such as myself. I'm just extremely exhausted.

the utility i derive from salted egg chips is almost indistinguishable to honey butter chips. salted egg chips are excessively expensive for junk food. i live in the third world and it's imperative upon me to make the most of my money and food supposedly should bring sustenance, which junk food definitely provides very little. maybe it's a mental health thing. i don't eat tim tams and salted egg chips because they provide the necessary nutrition. i eat them to make me feel better, albeit momentarily before the disgusting feeling of bloat sets in, but i don't discount the fact that i feel happy about it. which kinda sucks because very rarely does happiness ever happen without the dejecting disgust that comes with its consequences. getting drunk feels fun, but the grogginess or subsequent headache is terrible. a doughnut is great, but feeling bloated and too hopped up on sugar isn't. bingewatching an awesome tv series is enjoyable, but the sinking feeling of n...