at it again
i keep fucking up intimacy. i'm too sensitive that i perceive most things as threats, and i'm too combative that i escalate hostilities whether real or imagined. it's a recipe for constant conflicts or eroding emotional distance. once again, i prove i have no business being an intimate partner. i'm thoroughly flawed and burdened by deep trauma. i'm convinced that has no room in any romantic relationship. so why the fuck am i forcing myself? i need a shit ton of work. it's probably insurmountable that i'm perhaps irredeemably broken at this point. coming to the conclusion that i should not dabble in any romance didn't come lightly. it's been painful to conclude that all of my flaws significantly outweigh the good i have. but it's better i contain that pain to myself rather than bringing in someone else to see the disappointment i truly am. i'm a positive presence when i play a limited role in people's lives. a temporary treasure, i call m...