chance the passenger

despite having spent all of my life under my family's house, it's only now during the year-long lockdown that i've seen how hard it actually is. i'm not up for this kind of life.

it's nice and all, but it doesn't make sense to have one given my situation.

i don't get fellow government folk that think it's reasonable to raise a family with our measly salary. it's too little to be shared with other people. they will reason that a family will manage with modest resources. i can't argue with them, they're living proof. but i think that mindset leads to poverty, or at least a low-middle class lifestyle. every person needs a minimum cost component to live a life of prosperity, having your own job is fine, you can fend for yourself, you can buy the things you want, you have enough savings for the rainy day. but a family means money-earners will have to cover for the upkeep of those that can't earn for themselves.

i'm enjoying my life because i don't have to spend for other people's maintenance. i'm glad my parents have a handful of money to get by. the moment i have to take responsibility for them is when shit's going down.

sure, it can be argued that i should get a better paying job - that's why soul-sucking private sector jobs exist. but what if i my salary stays the same and my lifestyle adjusts? if i can barely bankroll other people's life, then i shoudn't be forcing it. if i think of it as giving back because made sacrifices in the past, then this is the jesus dying for our sins argument. i appreciate it now, yeah sure, but i didn't ask for it in the first place. i get that it's an ideal system for humanity to operate on: do good for others in the present, so in the future they're compelled to keep doing good. it becomes a self-replicating cycle that ensures a harmonious society.

but there are pieces of shit like me that don't want to be part of it.

i'm fine just rotting away, not having to take part with the grand design of the world. i'm satisfied with where i am right now. i'm not looking forward to abundance if it means exhausting myself just to have a higher sense of enjoyment. it's good that people will keep wanting more and more, it's what brings progress, it's what makes quality of life higher. but there are people like me that know contentment. we're the kind of people that know when to cash out of a casino, we're the kind of people that know when to stop digging for gold. we're not earning big, but we're earning enough.

there are people like us that are fine with missing out on life's wonders because why the hell bother?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

an ode to rubenesque figures

i have to give credit to the fat women that have been part of my life. they're the most solid figure i've consistently had. i'm not sure whether it's a widespread obesity thing, probably not. neither is it simply a matter of me seeking out fat women to have in my life. it's not like a woman's excess of weight affect their personality, other than perhaps having a voracious appetite, and if there's anything i can always get along with it's love for food. and it's not like their perceived huggableness matter to me, physical touch ranks extremely low in my preference for human interactions. admittedly, i will find chunkier women more attractive, but almost all of the fat women in my life have always been platonic arrangements. so no, i have no idea why there's always a fat woman playing a significant role in my life. but what i am certain of is that i am pretty damn grateful for them no matter how much of a strange recurring theme it may be.
Read more

dark side of the gym

when you fall in love, it never absolutely disappears. i still have a warm regard for them. if the soles of their feet are blistered from wearing heels all day, i'd be the first to get them a chair. if they decide to put up a bakery, i'd have a courier arrange for the delivery of the cupcakes. if they're in a tight situation and are short on ramen funds, i'd immediately cover the bill. it's the least i could do. despite not being attracted to them anymore nor having a desire to try and find a flame to rekindle, i believe they're still special human beings and the world is a much better place because of their existence. appreciating them from afar is the best form of relationship i could have with them. there's a reason it didn't work out in the end. being in close proximity with anyone reveal parts of people that spells the difference between temporary and permanent. while my time with them were short-lived, i'm certain that love, in whatever f
Read more

time space continuum

the older i get, the more i wish i could travel back in time with what i know now  i used to be a 5th grader wishing to be a 2nd grader, thinking i will ace all basic arithmetic after finally understanding algebra. then i became a college student wishing to be a high schooler, thinking i will re-invent myself after finally overcoming my social awkwardness. then i became a working adult wishing to be a student, thinking i will get into better schools after finally developing a solid work ethic. and now i'm in my 30s wishing to re-live life all over again, thinking i will avoid all of my life's regrets after finally learning from my mistakes. it's likely that this pattern will continue.
Read more