brush cleaners

i never truly was convinced that i'm worth it.

no amount of cosmetics can mask everything that makes me ugly. yeah sure, it can even out the scars on my skin, but only temporarily. but even then, for the most part, i'm not self-conscious with how unsightly i am. i really only experience the world from my perspective and never really how i'm perceived to be. perhaps caking on a lot of make up has effectively thickened my skin that i've become unfeeling. but it's only when i see my reflection - be it on a mirror, a photograph, or word of mouth - i'm hit hard with what i actually am. granted, it's only an external manifestation of me, it doesn't show everything going on behind the scenes, it fails to capture the essence of my existence. nevertheless, perception remains to be reality. and i can be hard on the eyes.

maybe real beauty does come from within.

but no matter how hard i scrub myself with soap, it doesn't feel like i'm able to uncover what i truly am inside. all the dust, grime, and dirt that i failed to get rid of have hardened to form a patinated layer that keeps everything about me obfuscated. then again, even if there is beauty to be found, it may not even necessarily be what most people expect as beautiful because any flaw counts as a point away from perfection. so i try not to pretend that i'm prettier than i actually am. as much as possible, i always come clean. no matter how embarrassing my naked form can be. i've learned to embrace rejection as part of being genuine. you can't be everything to everyone. our edges will always be rough enough to hurt someone out there. but on the flip side, the more you define the outlines of your edges, the higher the likelihood that you'll find someone out there whose cracks and crevices will fit yours.

so even if losing some is the cost to being true to yourself, it makes finding a match much more worth it in the end.