eat me henger

i'm hardly a good choice.  at the outset, sure, physically, i'm a decent option. after a conversation, my humor, depth and intellect are a potent combination. after some time, given the right circumstances, my practical value as a domestic partner reveals itself. but i'm replaceable. i can imagine a long list of more suitable men than me. granted relationships aren't determined by an absolute measure. it's still finding the right fit between partners. but across demographics, there's a guy that's a better fit than me waiting to be discovered. i'm a sub-optimal option. i see my value as a transient figure. the rebound, the shoulder to cry on. under a timer, my limited value shines, while my impending character flaws don't have sufficient time to set an ambush. i tried a couple of times. deeply invested. tragically failed. it's hard to bounce back from a heartache. it's a place i don't want to return to. so much so that i'd willingly le...

i hate it when people like me. i can see ahead. they're adding to the list of people whom i will disappoint. it feels like a prison when people hope for my potential. i can never seem to live up to people's expectations. having lived long enough with as long of a list of people disappointed in me already, even mere anticipation of my capability feels ominous. their rose-tinted glasses of optimism can't see the incoming heartache they're bound to feel. time and time again, the worst in me reveals itself after the best of me have attracted hopeful patrons. and it's not like i wanted to let them down. yeah sure, i've anticipated it will happen. but i never wanted to architect my own downfall. it hurts me to hurt them. probably more so than their pain. when they walk away from me, they'll find joy elsewhere. but i have to sit disgusted with myself, adding another name to an ever growing list of people that hate me. it's my unfortunate duality. the stories of...