hedgehog's dilemma personified
i hate it when people like me. i can see ahead. they're adding to the list of people whom i will disappoint. it feels like a prison when people hope for my potential. i can never seem to live up to people's expectations. having lived long enough with as long of a list of people disappointed in me already, even mere anticipation of my capability feels ominous. their rose-tinted glasses of optimism can't see the incoming heartache they're bound to feel. time and time again, the worst in me reveals itself after the best of me have attracted hopeful patrons. and it's not like i wanted to let them down. yeah sure, i've anticipated it will happen. but i never wanted to architect my own downfall. it hurts me to hurt them. probably more so than their pain. when they walk away from me, they'll find joy elsewhere. but i have to sit disgusted with myself, adding another name to an ever growing list of people that hate me. it's my unfortunate duality. the stories of...