eat me henger

love costing three months' salary is cheap.  it's a good heuristic to anchor a measurable value for something potentially priceless. adjusting for differences in cost of living from the 30s, applying the classic adage nowadays is absurd. but love isn't about being right, it's sacrificing irrationality for fulfillment. it's something i often get wrong. i'm autistically keyed in with being ruthlessly correct. however, looking back, i only remember the times when i was wrong and yet i received love. i don't have a running list of such instances, but i intuit that i've been frequently the smaller person. i'm grateful to have been lucky more times than i deserve. i've assessed myself to be selfish in not giving back the love i've been graciously showered with. i know the right things to do, but i can't bring myself to genuinely do the right things. for me to be authentic, i need to first subscribe to the values conducive to acting the right wa...

i'm terribly indecisive. i always fall trap into analysis paralysis. i love learning, i love researching things, i love getting as much information to aid in decision-making. but i hate choosing. nothing is truly clear cut as good or bad choice. that's another thing the schooling system failed us. we had thought for years that there's always one correct choice. but in my experience of overthinking through life, decisions are always taking the bad with the good. ideally, i don't want to bring any negativity. contrary to my dramatic and dark writing, i sincerely want a good life for myself. so much so that i want perfection. i adopted an approach where if i do well at the beginning, if something felt natural, then i'll pursue the path. that prevented me from learning how to persevere. stumbling from the start was a sign to not spend any further effort. it afforded me to focus on my interests and natural inclination, but that only created a sheltered worldview unable t...