eat me henger

i really have nothing to write when i don't come from a dark place. i'm like the hulk where his superpower is directly proportional to his anger, my creativity is dependent on my degree of depression. of which, i've had very little recently. ironically, the consensus of the collective consciousness of society will claim that this has been a terrible year. there really hasn't been a lot to be happy about for most people. there has been a constant deluge of detrimental damage to our dispositions - magnified by being prisoners of our own homes. with not a lot of distractions to keep us numb, life was utterly painful. but not for me. i set out to redeem myself this year come what may. in fact, being cooped up for quite a while did wonders. you always see construction sites covered up, same goes with my rebuilding efforts. this year i regained steadier footing and an even more anchored resolve. i know what i want, i know what i deserve, and i know what i have to get to mak

it's been a while since i had my thoughts to myself. for the past year, i've been trying so hard to stay occupied so time moves quickly and tomorrow comes today. i used to think that once i've gotten comfortable in my own skin again, things are going to be different. but it hasn't been the case. i'm still sad. the only thing that changed is my improved skill in hiding my true feelings. or maybe not. i think if someone was as observant as me, i could easily be called out for pretending to be okay. perhaps the proliferation of social media has dulled our eagerness to engage deeply. yeah sure, it made us better in marketing ourselves to make ourselves more interesting. but there is an oversupply of attention-grabbing personalities, and a scarcity of people that care. perhaps there isn't really a demand for them. of course there still are compassionate people out there, but it seems superficial and performative. if i were to die today, i'm betting that people th