resting with peace
i'm always grateful for mornings i wake up without depression weighing on me. but it's also the period of my cyclical psyche where my writing feels less soulful. it doesn't feel like there's a conflict wanting to be resolved. that's the magic of it really. i write to resolve an inner issue. i sit with the feeling. i type my thoughts. i somehow build a narrative with the next word, sentence or paragraph unplanned. it falls into place, messily built, but assembled intuitively with purpose. i don't believe it makes any problem more solved, but it definitely makes it easier to believe that if i can construct order in this debilitating chaos, then i have a fighting chance to have control over my own life. and that belief in agency is the first step to a proper solution. it's just square one though. once i publish my writing, i have to step into the real world and follow through with concrete actions. that's the hard part. you can't just sit in one corner ...