kidnap for lonesome

i'm afraid.

i'm afraid of hurting those who decide to love me.

i want to be loved though. i really do.

i just carry with me decades of integrating the many times i've been the bad guy. i truly wish for a love with the cleanest slate. not the piece of shit i see when i look into the mirror.

i act out the bad guy, the piece of shit that i think i am. i hurt others because i'm not being pure, not honest.

i guess before i could begin to consider love, i need to first be real.

because the "bad guy", the "piece of shit", they're not really me. they were me, they were others' perceptions of me for a momentary period.

but the me that has the capacity for care, protection, joy, love - lives within me.

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