eat me henger

i went on holiday for an entire month and just like that the year's about to end. right around this time last year i was struggling with life. i had reached peak existential burnout. i remember going on travel somewhere nice, a place i've never been, staying at a fancy hotel which had no business being that good in the middle of nowhere. but i wasn't having any of it. i objectively knew i was having a wonderful experience. but subjectively, i felt like a spectator in someone else's body. it felt like a disservice to the body's owner that i'm not having fun over a golden opportunity to see the sights and live the life. life is long. it's long enough for us to take moments for granted. life just feels short because we can't remember every instance we were in an elevator, on the passenger seat of a car, crossing the road, paying for lunch. we just remember the highlights. not every day in school, but how fun our school friends were. not every day at work, b...

i'm done with my month-long holiday and its afterglow. i'm back to the daily mundanity of early mornings and social jetlag. i really do feel like i don't get enough sleep. neither do i eat the right things. to live the right way is deliberate choice. it takes a lot of time. definitely not convenient, like how this fast-paced modern life espouses. tsch. espouse , such a deep word i wouldn't have in my vocabulary if not for my job as a writer. i believe there's always been a lot going on in the world. it's just become more visible because phones are not phones anymore. in the past, all my screen time came from a device exclusively plugged into the wall. and that device i had to share with others. i didn't always get what i want. and now that my every desire is within reach, everything feels the same. the rush and convenience of modernity turns everything into a blur. but it's all the same dopamine hit