win-lose columns
i regret letting myself become who i've been for the past couple of decades. it started nice. i was surrounded with well-intentioned people. they showered me with substantial luxuries. all signs pointed to a good destination. however, i had a taste of what was good before seeing the difficulties to get it. i took it for granted. i got lazy, but somehow i always get saved in the end. i assumed i was unaffected by consequences because there were always those that will take the fall for me. but you won't get anywhere desirable if you kept losing. yes, i felt untouchable, but that's because i was out of touch with what i needed to do and who i needed to be. ideal outcomes always felt out of reach. i made a habit of settling. my unrealized entitlement grew into resentment. i became jaded to preempt the pain of failure. i never put in any honest effort to accomplish anything. i kept redefining my expectations to have a semblance of a win. it was a cycle that was leading to my dem