eat me henger

my strict sleeping habits might mean the death of any romantic pursuit in life. adult human beings ought to have a personal life after work hours until bedtime. my personal time starts the moment i get home, which is 6pm. and that gives me 3 hours of life before i get to bed at 9pm. so i can get decent sleep until i leave home at 5am, and start my day. as of writing, it's 9am and i've already had 4 waking hours today, whereas most people at this time have only been awake for perhaps an hour or two. i have a leg up on most people - but that only works well in competition. human relationships aren't a competition, they're a cavalcade of compromises. unfortunately for me, i am unforgivably uncompromising especially when it comes to my time. i find that getting a good night's rest affects my productivity at the work that i love which in turn contributes to my general sense of satisfaction in life. but i see that someday in my sunset years, work will be less of a s

a part of me has started missing how it is to be single - not having to actively care for someone, not having to update anyone about my whereabouts, y'know the motions. which then puts into question whether my love for my girlfriend is indeed true or unconditional. i'd like to think that perhaps yeah - i claim i love my family, but i don't necessarily care how they're doing or what they're up to, i just know it'd suck to have them gone... maybe. but there's something not right in the relationship for me - perhaps it's burnout, perhaps it's boredom - it's either a force that isn't pulling me in anymore, or a force that's pushing me away. it's not particularly engaging for me when we have to talk about the mundanity of having to eat, or one's nagging health issues, or a phoned in line of questioning that doesn't feel sincere nor productive. i know a long term relationship entails a lot of boring stuff in between, but i'