death star
i have unhealed wounds that i never tended to. they were never treated, just built around them so they don't have to be triggered. intellectualize emotions and social dynamics, so i don't come off as insensitive. deeply study non-verbal cues, so i can recognize threats and opportunities. it was always an academic pursuit, rather than letting my heart run my humanity. i'd like to think that i've developed an impermeable fortification for my sensitive soul. but no, there are the rare instances where a presence extremely resonant comes through and makes room for them. and that's when it gets dangerous. true vulnerability. doesn't matter how intensely i prepared to be protected. it only works on outsiders. for the longest time, i've been focusing on building my walls higher. when i'm devastated by my reckless offering of presence, i respond with fortifying further. i failed therefore i have to whip myself harder. i haven't thought of ever flipping the s...